Confronting Challenging Emotions at a Vipassana Retreat

InMay 2023, I participated in a Vipassana retreat for the first time here in Latvia. It had altogether 20 meditation sessions, each 30 minutes. We practised both sitting and walking meditations. Before this retreat, I was not familiar with Buddhism practised in Thailand, so it was very beneficial for me to expand my mind. At the same time, it was one of the toughest retreats I have ever accomplished. Nowhere near that was a retreat just for well-being and relaxation — it was hard work! There were moments when I thought that I just want to quit and go home. And there are a couple of reasons for that!

Firstly, being tired can significantly impact the quality of meditation. Actually, one needs to have a strong body for meditation — that is what Buddha also taught when talking about the golden middle way. In his path, he realized that asceticism is not bringing the results that he wanted. When I went to retreat, I faced a very stressful week, so it was very tough to find the strength to focus and calm my mind — all I wanted was to sleep.

Secondly, our minds are working in such a way that we do not want to meditate. In fact, the mind is ready to do many other things, like generate creative ideas, just to avoid meditation. That is why people report visions during meditation sessions.

These are the most important takeaways that I have written down from the retreat. While we were not allowed to talk or read, and even write down ideas, I reflected a week after the experience.

1. What is Vipassana — Vipassana is pondering how things are constantly changing and observing the ever-changing nature of the world. The teacher revealed that seeing things for how they are — temporary phenomena — can help us overcome many unpleasant situations.
2. Walking meditation is practised by drawing attention to our feet. The variation of different meditative practices can help us achieve deeper states of consciousness.
3. During meditation and especially in silent retreats, many emotions might come up, such as frustration, anger, apathy, etc. The teacher explained that intensive meditation might improve the quality of the meditation sessions afterwards.
4. Interestingly, meditation can tune down both positive and negative emotions. However, there are practices to grow the positive emotions back.
5. We experience lots of noise and stress in our daily lives, which significantly impacts us. Sometimes just turning off the phone and getting into the stillness can make wonders for our well-being.

While I was meditating at the retreat, I realized this strict routine was not for me. Actually, I understood that I prefer a lot of freedom in my spiritual practices. But after the retreat, I noticed that the calmness did not leave me, and I felt more balanced than before. It was definitely worth the effort!

The experience sparked more thoughts in me about religions and spiritual practices. I have realized that I want to remain independent, not trapped in any box and free to explore anything that catches my interest. I want to learn to connect with myself. Also, we can be spiritual even without religion — each one of us grows through the hardships of life with or without organized practices.

Also, this retreat inspired me to visit forest monasteries in Thailand to learn more about Vipassana and Theravada Buddhism, which is very different from the Mahayana tradition, which I am more familiar with.

I hope that my notes and insights from the retreat will inspire you to explore different spiritual practices as well and find what works for you the best!

Photo by Jörg Bauer on Unsplash

I Spent 9 Days Meditating at the Kopan Monastery In Nepal

 his September, I fulfilled one of my dreams of studying meditation at the Kopan monastery in Nepal. I had this thought that I wanted to go for about two years, and finally, it came true. On top of that, it was my first solo travel to Asia. While I was initially very hesitant to go on my own, I found a sudden inner sense of capability. It seemed that the universe just kept sending me signs that it was a good moment to go, so I did.

For me personally, gaining an integrative worldview and spiritual knowledge has always been a big life goal of mine. Therefore, I felt that this travel had a very important personal significance to me. It meant a lot to me, and I felt that once the retreat was over. I got emotional to the point of crying. I had found a sense of home and purpose, which was difficult to lose. It was very emotionally moving to meet so many people with similar interests in spirituality and meditation. A truly special feeling.

Kopan monastery garden

Light of Path Retreat

Light of Path retreat was an intensive retreat that started at 5:30 a.m. and ended at 8:30 p.m. I personally found sleep deprivation the hardest part of the retreat since I slept just 4–5 hours each day. As I was staying at a place outside of the monastery, there were a lot of city noises and dogs barking. It made it very difficult for me to have some quality rest. I also felt that it impacted the quality of my meditation and my health in general. Apart from that, I enjoyed my stay a lot.

The course content was focused on Lam-Rim — a gradual path of enlightenment. We chanted a lot of prayers and meditated a lot as well. I felt that meditation came very naturally to me since the place had such a powerful energetic presence — it had a complete serenity and calmness. While the city centre of Kathmandu is full of buzz, the monastery in the mountains is an island of tranquillity and contemplation. Even animals entered the gompa to meditate together with us, which was truly beautiful. In one of the first days, a white butterfly sat on my t-shirt and did not want to leave — I found it a very marvellous experience.

One of my favourite things was meditating under a tree in the garden or just walking around the garden and meditating. It is a very beautiful place full of flowers — a true embodiment of a paradise.

The retreat routine was full of different religious and cultural rituals. We even did a thsog, which is a Buddhist ritual with food. For me, it has always been about personally feeling if something is making my meditation better or not, and I felt that many of the practices did help with entering deeper states of meditation and consciousness.

Kopan monastery garden

Useful tips for traveling to Nepal

If you are planning to visit Nepal, you need to know a couple of things beforehand.

• Prepare cash for purchasing a visa at the airport
• Dress appropriately for the Nepalese society
• You will need an electricity adapter
• Be respectful and well-meaning, and you will receive good treatment back
• Remember that you cannot drink tap water
• Be vaccinated because dogs are roaming the streets
• Prepare your kit of medicine, as it may be handy, such as activated charcoal, cat’s claw for viruses and bacteria, etc.

I would also like to note that Kathmandu is very safe for female solo travellers. At least I felt comfortable taking a taxi and moving around the city. The locals are very respectful towards tourists, and some even want to have a photo together. Of course, the traffic is a bit wild in the city centre, but you can get used to that quite quickly. It is an orderly chaos, so there is no need to worry at all.

What to see in Kathmandu

Durbar square

Since I was there for quite a short time, I did not see much of the city. However, I was okay with that, as my stay was focused on an inner journey.
Some of the top places for tourism are Durbar Square, Garden of Dreams, Themal, Buddha Stupa and many monasteries of the city.

I left Kathmandu on a motorbike at 5 a.m. because my taxi did not arrive. I was very lucky to be offered help by the monastery where I stayed. It was a very exciting and epic adventure to get back to the airport, indeed!

Buddha stupa

Thank you for reading! ❤